Saturday, 7 March 2015

10 Reasons to stop being a people pleaser

Hands up, who’s a people pleaser! There are quite a lot of us around and people pleasing can literally ruin your life, so if you are a people pleaser, read on.  I started to be a people pleaser at a very young age, trying to get some attention from my father. I then took my people pleasing habit and made it into a career as a salesman. The problem is though; you end up being so busy trying to get other people to like you that forget to look after yourself. I have since learned that being a little selfish sometimes, is what I should have been many years ago. Here are ten damned good reasons why you stop being a people pleaser and look after you, for a change.



1. You will have more money
If you are a people pleaser then is quite likely that spend fortunes on other people. You are first to get the drinks in at the bar, you buy the biggest and the best presents for people, but you spend very little on yourself.  Believe me, when the money has all gone, all those people that you tried to please will not be queuing up to help you out!  Spend some of your money on treats for yourself and stash some away for a rainy day. 

2. You will be less stressed
The reason that there are never enough hours in the day is that you are always doing things for other people. People pleasers are always available to help out a friend, even when they don’t really have enough time to do it. Stop being a people pleaser, put your own priorities first and you will find that you will have plenty of time to get the important things done and consequently, you won’t feel constantly under pressure.

3. Saying no feels great!
When you are faced with a stack of work that you know must get done, what do you do when a friend calls and asks you out for a few drinks? If you are a people pleaser, then you will probably say yes and then fret about how you will get the work done later. If that friend can’t take a polite, ‘sorry, but I can’t’, then they are no friend at all. When you start to learn to say no more often, the feeling of relief is amazing. 

4. You will be able to say what you think
If you stop being a people pleaser then you can actually say what’s on your mind. I’m not suggesting that you be rude, but you can express your opinion, rather than just say what you think the other person wants to hear. 

5. You won’t have to spend time with people you don’t like
The people pleasing habit can become so ingrained that you find yourself being nice to people that you don’t even like! If that guy, who bores you to death every time he opens his mouth, asks you out for a drink then say that you are too busy. Seriously, if you don’t like someone then you can just avoid them until they go away.

6. You will gain self-confidence
A people pleaser is also often a person who lacks self-esteem. When you stop being a people pleaser, you will find that you will gain far more self-confidence. You will be able to say no more often and you will also be able to stick up for yourself more. By doing this, you will start to realise more of your own potential.

7. You will be able to express your feelings better
People pleasers don’t cry, because they would be too worried about what other people might think. That also means that they don’t express fear, anger or anything else for that matter. Holding all your emotions in and putting on an act is no good for anyone. Stop pretending and express your emotions, because it’s a lot easier to be you, than it is to play act all the time.

8. It makes you stronger
Hey, guess what? Not everyone is going to like you, so live with it! If you stop trying to please every single person that you meet, you are not going to worry so much about what people think about you. You don’t have to become a self-centred bastard, but nor do you have to care about what everyone else thinks of you.

9. You will smile more often
Once you begin to put yourself first more often, you will also learn to shrug things off more easily. You won’t lie awake at night worrying that you might have offended somebody; you will have a quiet chuckle to yourself about it instead. 

10. You will feel better when you do help someone
Unfortunately, people do take advantage of people pleasers, because they know they can. When you stop being a people pleaser, other people will only come to you for help when they really need it and, when you give the help that they need, it will mean a lot more to them and a lot more to you, too.

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