Friday, 12 June 2015

10 Ways to tell you that you are getting old!

Getting old, mens rant,
OK, I’ll admit it. Even though I might still think I’m cool and trendy (Ha Ha), I’m not exactly as young as I used to be! I still live with the sound and wise knowledge, though, that women grow older, but men just get more rugged. Having said that, it is a horrible feeling when you start to realise that you are saying things that you used hear your grandfather say. So, if you are like me and your youthful looks are becoming more rugged, here are ten things that I have noticed that tell me I am definitely getting old.

1. The Policemen are getting younger
It’s not just a cliché after all; I swear that policemen are getting younger! They also got a lot shorter somewhere along the line too, or is that the just because they don’t wear those blue tits on their heads anymore? And, another thing while I’m on the subject of policemen, since when did the police get to dress so casually? They don’t even wear ties anymore!

2. The music all sounds the same
Now I do really sound like my grandfather, but it is true isn’t it? Where has the protest songs gone? Where are the weird, experimental concept albums? At least my music used to annoy and offend my parents, not send them to sleep!

3. Why so much swearing?
I can “F” and blind with the best of them, but only when I’m in the right company and in the right place.  It seems to me that the “F” word has become so commonplace, that people have forgotten what it actually means. It doesn’t really offend me, but it will offend some people, so keep the swearing down guys (and girls!), please.

4. The young girls are looking older!
I was admiring a gorgeous, stunning looking young lady the other day, as you do. She had legs up to her armpits and all the curves in all the right places. Overhearing her conversation with her friend, I was slightly alarmed to find out that I had been admiring a girl who was the same age as my own teenage daughter. That one really did bring it home. I felt like a bloody pervert!

5. Fashion got stupid
Have you noticed, too, how silly fashion looks today? When I was a kid, I was a punk rocker with spiky hair, tartan trousers and straps dangling between my legs, but that looked cool! What’s with this topknot hairstyle thing on the guys, and the cuts in the knees of girl’s designer jeans?

6. You have to ask your kids how to use the phone
I never thought it would happen, but it has. I had to ask my daughter how to do something on my new smart phone the other day. Am I the only one who wants to use his phone to make and to receive telephone calls easily?

7. Everyone wants to take a picture
While we are on the topic of phones, why go to see your favourite bands and then spend the whole gig trying to get a good photo of them, instead of enjoying the music? The world has gone photo mad and, on a more serious note, a homeless guy was attached by a gang of youths in the street in the town where I live. Apparently, people didn’t just stand by and let it happen; they stood around and took photos of it happening.

8. You start to love re-runs on the TV
Give me Minder, The professionals, or even Magnum, and I’m happy. Everything new on the TV seems to me to be crappy reality shows anyway. Ok, so there are a few good new shows, like Doctor Who, but even that is a re-boot of an old show!

9. Bad manners wind you up more
Strangely the older I get, the more that people with bad manners tend to wind up. Or, could be that, as the years pass by, people are just getting ruder? My biggest bug bear at the moment is the lack of courtesy from people who serve you in shops, pubs and the like. They would seem to prefer to say anything rather than “Can I help you”, or “What can get you”. Instead, the favourite seems to be “Are you alright there?” What the hell is that supposed to mean?

10. Get off the bloody phone!
And, finally, I swear, if one more person bumps into me in the street because they are looking at their bloody phone, I shall scream. Are you really so important that you can’t leave your phone alone while you walk down the road? Is that phone call so vital that you can’t stop talking while you are being served in a shop?  



If you have hit forty, then you will only just be beginning to notice these things, but when you hit fifty, that’s when something weird does seem to begin to happen. Finally, after half a decade of quite an eventful and a pretty good life, I am turning into a grumpy old man. So, if you are not there yet, watch out, because it seems that it happens to us all eventually!

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